The Support Mechanisms for Those Coping with Divorce
Divorce does not just affect the couples who are divorcing, but the family members around them, too. It is an upsetting time for children to see their parents split up, often leaving them to choose a parent to favour. What they need, above all, is help and support through the process. This help can be from people they know or complete strangers neutral to the situation. It is not just children who suffer, other family members may also find the whole situation hard to cope with. So, this article will consider just what help might be of benefit to all the parties concerned. If we cannot change a situation, all that we can do is to learn to cope with it.
“Please help me, I don’t know what to do?” were 7-year-old Eleanor’s first words after the news. This was followed by a comforting arm from her auntie. Next, Eleanor was heard to say: “Which parent will I live with?” So, it was left for her auntie to explain that there was no need to choose, at intervals she could spend time with them both separately. Perhaps weekdays with her mother and then weekends with her father. Then, her auntie went on to explain that her father was likely to spoil her because he would have missed her so much. This raises a smile from Eleanor, who can now think of all the possible treats she might receive to make up for the situation that both parents have placed her in. These are not the only questions Eleanor will have when it dawns on her just what divorce will mean. It does demonstrate, though, that aunties are a great support, and so to can other family members be.
Counsellors like listening, they are experienced and trained in doing so, and as such will listen to anyone suffering from something such as a loss. Divorce is a loss. The loss of a partner. The loss of parents. The loss of a relative. For a child, not completely maybe, but for times when they would ordinarily have been around. At times when comfort and support was needed, to talk through schoolwork, and to come up with new and exciting ideas to relieve boredom. Particularly at the weekend and in the holidays.
When we start talking, we can say all sorts of things in speech that we might never have otherwise thought of just in our minds. One phrase is likely to become the catalyst for another. Then, before we know it, the way we thought of something before has completely changed. Talking to a professional or someone outside of the family can offer new perspectives and coping strategies.
Lawyers are there to help support divorcing couples through the legal process and protect their financial interests. This can be a comfort for either party knowing that there is someone out there to look after their interests, when they might be feeling alone and unsupported in lots of other ways. Just to have someone to talk to and listen to their side will make them feel better.
As well as the financial arrangements, access to children will also be discussed. The views of the children will be considered but ultimately the law might have to decide which parent is better suited to the task of bringing up the children on a regular basis, and then whether access should be granted to the other parent. Not all parents will be considered responsible in the eyes of the law. Children may think that they have the perfect parent, or the opposite, but the law will in the end make the final decision.
In conclusion, help is available from all the above sources, but it will still be for those affected to, if not discover it, to desire to seek it out. Nobody might consider that family members other than those closely related could be badly affected. The truth is, everyone who knows the couple divorcing is affected, not only by the initial news of their desire to divorce, but by the consequences that the eventual break-up brings to a family who once seemed so close and happy with life as it was. Turning to equally upset family members can provide empathy, whereas outside support can give those suffering from the effects of an imminent or certain divorce a renewed perspective on the whole situation, alongside legal advice.